We’ve all been there. We’re just trying to peruse the children’s section of Barnes and Noble or grow a mustache for fun, mind our own business at the park or shop for a van. Just as we’re about to make the down-payment or relax on the swing, we catch ourselves. Why? Because pedophiles have ruined our favorite activities. That’s right – pedophiles have ruined anything and everything that used to be normal. Think about it: what can you do anymore that wouldn’t be creepy if you imagined a pedophile doing the same thing? It’s just not fair, but to convince you, below are fifty things that pedophiles ruined for the rest of us:
- Parks
- Aviators
- Mustaches
- Mutton chops
- Unmarked white vans
- Candy
- Boy scouts
- Girl scouts
- Tan windbreakers
- Sex offender registries
- Penn State Football
- Public schools
- Communal showers
- The YMCA
- Pistachio Ice cream
- Gas station bathrooms
- Socks and sandals
- Hot dogs
- Smug smirks
- Hairstyles from the ‘80s
- Wifebeaters
- Thick eyeglasses
- Playgrounds
- Popsicles
- The Little League World Series
- Public libraries
- The Catholic Church
- Telling someone they have a cute kid
- Talking to strangers
- Tinted windows
- Being over 50
- The Internet
- Cargo shorts
- A meaningful appreciation of Ancient Greek and Roman customs
- Just plain old people watching
- Public computers
- Going to children’s museums alone
- Meat
- Kids R Us dressing rooms
- Toy stores
- Camping
- Dakota Fanning
- Little boys
- Giving kids a ride home from school
- Blues Clues
- Viral music videos of thirteen year old signers
- Windows 95
- Prison
- Foam soap
- Sweatpants