Some of the high rises put up questions to ask the people in the elevator to make rides less awkward. I’ve come up with a list of the things people really want to say:

 

• You look familiar, are we Facebook friends?

• Did you REALLY just press the floor below mine after I pressed my floor?

• Can I have some of your pizza?

• Did we hook up?

• I sat next to you in recitation every week for a semester and you never noticed me.

• Did you just try to close the elevator before I got in? NAH UH BITCH.

• How do you feel about universal health care?

• I know who you are.

• Oh I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody, oh I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me! Oh shit, I didn’t see you there!

• Do you ever get scared that someone’s hiding in your apartment?

• Seriously Jimmy, are you texting to pretend you don’t see me?!

• Who farted?