Dear Heathen,

 

I’ve overslept.

Running late to a midterm isn’t something I’m willing to accept

Even when half of the elevators in an [unnamed] high rise are down.

(surprise!)

Though there are many things that make me frown,

Your lack of common courtesy takes the cake

Especially when 50% of my grade is at stake.

So pardon me for rolling my eyes

And for letting out not one, but two exasperated sighs.

Is walking down one flight of stairs such an impossibility?

But you would’ve for free food, so it’s not an issue of mobility.

Michael Scott sums this up the best by far:

Why are you the way that you are?

 

Best wishes,

Disgruntled resident of [unnamed] high rise with the elevator problems

 

Candidate for B.A. in [insert list of majors (because one isn’t enough, apparently)]

University of Pennsylvania | Class of 2021