Zoomsgiving To-Do:
Hide router. Hide charger cord
“Oops. My laptop died.”
This is the right
Number of syllables
I stopped the count
DIY concept
Turn tin foil from turkey
Into helpful hats
Oy vey! I just found
Ivanka’s Hanukkah list:
Goya beans, dad’s love
Everything’s on zoom
Including this holiday
Aunt still called me fat
Ugh, Gosh here she comes
Stupid cousin went vegan
Heard it 16 times
Thanksgiving is here
Time to spend with family
I’ll be in my room
Can you wear a mask
Yes, I know that we’re on zoom
I just hate your face
Grandma can’t work zoom
Neither can my stupid Aunt
Happy Thanksgiving
Saying grace on zoom
Watching people eat their food
Now Grandma’s frozen
Xbox is sold out
Stuck inside with my parents
God I miss vodka
A Small gathering
Filled with positivity
Very black friday
A toast to COVID
No more politics at the
Dinner table now
Failure to distance
COVID-19 trampling lives
Who needs black friday
Thanksgiving prayer
Pause of silence for the lord?
Grandma still muted
I am doing fine
in these UnpreceDeNTeD
times. And how are you?
Happy thanksgiving
Let’s bring COVID to grandma’s
The Columbus way
This year’s thanksgiving
Trump doesn’t pardon Turkey
Civil war breaks out
Thanksgiving at home
Is like food at Four Seasons
(Total Landscaping)
Forced to write haikus
Pretending to count fingers
Two more years of this
Still shorts season here
But I guess for the frat guys
Shorts are all year round
Hey on the bright side
It’s not common app season
Just job app season
Maybe I’ll catch up
On three months worth of lectures
This break. Probs not though
Gritty broke loose, killed
Dozens of Turkeys. Bad things
Happen in Philly
Where is everyone?
No one likes our family
So we eat alone
At last, time to eat!
I take a bite of turkey
Mom your food sucks dick
So many pumpkins
I’m sick of pumpkin spices
Please let me eat mint
I want to go home
Oh wait i’m already here
Get me the hell out
Leaves fell off the trees
Now everything looks so dead
Just like me inside
It’s finally cold
I can’t wait to wear sweaters!
Wait now I’m too hot…
Ate too much stuffing
Also ate too much turkey
Also too much pie
Get out of my room
I don’t want to see the fam
Let me play minecraft
I hate online school
But so does everyone else
So I’m not that cool
No motivation
To do anything at all
Just lie down and die
Grandma’s on the phone
Come say hi she misses you
Ugh do I have to?
Oh how much you’ve grown
Grandma you can’t tell, it’s zoom
What was that sweety?
“Mom says come downstairs
Also you’re a lazy shit”
“She did not say that”
Got yelled at by mom
Don’t even know what I did
I hate being home
Social distancing
Is a valid excuse for
Ignoring my dad
First break, since there was
No fall break. We did it boys,
we stopped corona!
Thanks, I’m giving you
Two more chances before I
ghost you forever
I’m in a state of
Existential dread. But at
least it’s not Penn State.
I’m jealous of the
turkey on the table. It
doesn’t have to Zoom.
It’s called Fall because
My GPA, self esteem
Both end up falling.
White people come
Capitalism, free trade.
It’s free real estate.
I am contagious.
I do not tell grandmother
Why? Inheritance
Smoke for the munchies
“So, how do you like UPenn?”
Fuck, I’m paranoid
Wrap up some blankets
It isn’t smallpox, I promise.
It’s COVID-19.
Wait, what day is it?
My ancestors weren’t here yet.
Happy Hanukkah
Look at these families
Sad they can’t be together
Three cheers for divorce.
Family makes me stressed
So I go to the bathroom
Time to masturbate
Joe Biden won
My uncle still won’t shut up
This is Miami
Is this the real life
Bohemian Rhapsody
Miss 2019
“Yay, two days of break
Love Penn’s generosity”…
Guess I can’t lie, then.
Which do I hate more?
This shithole I call my home
Or Philadelphia
Efficiency is
Writing dozens of haikus
Instead of classwork.
Why can’t my classmates
Shut up in breakout rooms ?
We all didn’t read.