Elevator Shakedown

Some of the high rises put up questions to ask the people in the elevator to make rides less awkward. I’ve come up with a list of the things people really want to say:


  • You look familiar, are we Facebook friends?
  • Did you REALLY just press the floor below mine after I pressed my floor?
  • Can I have some of your pizza?
  • Did we hook up?
  • I sat next to you in recitation every week for a semester and you never noticed me.
  • Did you just try to close the elevator before I got in? NAH UH BITCH.
  • How do you feel about universal health care?
  • I know who you are.
  • Oh I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody, oh I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me! Oh shit, I didn’t see you there!
  • Do you ever get scared that someone’s hiding in your apartment?
  • Seriously Jimmy, are you texting to pretend you don’t see me?!
  • Who farted?


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