Hey there neighbor! My name’s Trifalghr, and I’m Co-chair of the Sewer People Neighborhood Welcome Committee. We just wanted to make you feel at home in our community. We know sometimes it can be difficult adjusting to new surroundings, especially when you and your mutant family have just been driven underground by the Light Dwellers. So we made you this welcome basket to help you get acclimated!

There’s all sorts of gifts in there for you and your family. There’s some infrared goggles to help your eyes adjust to the lower levels of light. There’s a couple acid-spraying guns that’ll come in handy when you’re fending off the mutant bats. And N’tabé made you some of her famous banana bread! Trust me, it’s to die for. We also included our monthly newsletter, The Sewer Matters. It has tons of great info about neighborhood events, like our annual block party and the rat purging next Tuesday.

But what I really wanted to talk to you about was the sanctity of the neighborhood. We really pride ourselves on living in a good mutant neighborhood, but recently some non-mutants have started moving into nearby caves. They’re always playing that loud non-mutant music and now we’re not even sure if it’s safe for our kids/hatchlings to walk to school by themselves. So we’ve decided to form a Sewer People Neighborhood Watch Committee, and we’d love to see you join. It wouldn’t be a huge commitment; we’d just ask that you take night watch once every two weeks and join us in the war against the non-mutants that will inevitably arise.

Also, make sure you never go to the westernmost part of the neighborhood, because that’s where The Giant Croco-Vampire lives. Now, I’d tell you what to do if you get cornered by the Croco-Vampire on your way home from the Daily Foragings, but I have some errands to run—I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Once again, welcome to the neighborhood!