Abstract:

The purpose of this lab was to replicate EGFP DNA in E-Coli and finish
at least an hour early to see what it’s like to finish too soon for
once (swag). The lab group measured the efficiency of the DNA
replication by adding some liquid to another liquid and pressing
buttons on a machine. The procedures outlined in the lab manual were
performed without much attention for detail on account of it being
waaay too early for this. After attempting the “DNA sorution E-cori
mix five time”, the group decided the TA was of little help and
decided to consult the lab manual. The group concluded that the lab
manual was probably written by four mildly autistic Drexel students,
threw caution to the wind and decided to wing it. Despite all
attempts to make its efforts marginally passable, the group measured a
DNA replication efficiency of just 0.5%. The error in the measured
efficiency was largely due to Jimmy’s remarkable ability to be a
complete imbecile at all times. His lack of basic arithmetic ability,
social skills and general hygiene were detrimental to the final
outcome of the experiment. The group calculated that it would take
Jimmy three years, five months and twenty-one days to get laid by that
rainforest creature who sits across from him-longer if she shaved her
mutton chops. Jesus Christ, Jimmy, wipe your ass once in a while. In
conclusion, the expected results were not attained and each member of
the group decided to just fuck it and become an English major.