A Trip to CVS

From Punch Bowl freshman, and official CVS expert, Meg Harding.

I used to just be an average girl. A simple maid of adequate oral hygiene; twice-daily brushing, less frequent flossing, and the occasional use of mouthwash. But I am here now to detail one of the more life-changing afternoons of my life. Yes, it was the day that I found Tongue Foam, a product so revolutionary and so refreshing that I still have yet to recover from my shock that CVS was ever able to keep it stocked at all.

Between the hours of 1:30 and 3:00 last Wednesday, I found myself alone and aimlessly wandering Walnut at the mercy of the four winds. Blown into CVS by chance and by my need for a new tube of Crest, I hit the tooth care aisle hard. I had such a simple mission: find the wintergreen flavor with extra whitening, breeze through the self-checkout like I designed the system myself and return to class a regular student like all the others, albeit better equipped to prevent cavities. But what began as a casual errand turned into a much more serious encounter when I found Tongue Foam. I hadn’t realized the cruel, dark age that I had ignorantly inflicted upon myself before I experienced the renaissance that came along with the clean yet attractive packaging of Tongue Foam. Was it fate that turned my eyes like magnets towards the magnetic north that was Tongue Foam? I may never know for certain. The cardboard drew me in but what was written upon the surface delivered so much more than I was prepared for. 100% Natural Ingredients, it boasted. How could that be? The lack of synthetic components in this tongue cleanser of the future still sets my heart aflutter. 60 Uses was the next fact to stun me. What outside needs might this new cornerstone of my tooth-care regimen be able to satisfy? My interest was piqued and I was prepared to get creative. It was, however, the final package fact that really hit home for me the necessity of this purchase. I had never before even thought to imagine that 90% of bad breath comes from a dirty tongue. 90%! Too lost in despair at the thought of 90% of my bad breath hailing from an unclean tongue, it seemed unnecessary to consider the statistical wizardry that allowed science to know this fact for certain. How had I lived without this product for as long as I had, how had anyone? The pure rush of joy I received as a result of my tremendous find must have been noticeable for the less enlightened tooth-care aficionados wandering the aisles of CVS like lost souls that day, but I worry that they will never understand. Why, you might ask? Because on that fateful Wednesday, I relieved CVS of their entire stock of Tongue Foam. But I am not a cruel individual, nor a vindictive one. I do not want to rob the rest of my fellow citizens the ecstasy Tongue Foam has brought me so I offer up the ability to order Tongue Foam for oneself via the CVS website, I only pray that whoever reads this follows in my path, a path that has led to more happiness and cleanliness then I ever previously dared to imagine.


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