Due to popular demand, Philadelphia’s own Eastern State Penitentiary has announced it will add three new horrifying haunted houses to this year’s Halloween event. These new haunted houses will make your greatest fears come alive and leave you in a state of utter horror and shock. Below is a short summary of the new haunted houses that will be added:
The “You’re Failing Your Physical World Requirement” House- This horrifying new house will leave you feeling helpless, upset, and annoyed. Thought you were doing well because you did all the readings? And you did all the practice problems? And you went to office hours? Think again! You’re failing, because no matter how much of a star you were in high school, any science-related college class is just not your thing. This haunted house features spooky professors yelling, “you scored below the mean!” with a line of TAs in long white lab coats pointing and laughing at you. Don’t forget to go into the simulated classroom where everyone knows the answer except for you!
The “That Person Was Actually Waving to Someone Behind You” House-Truly your worst fear realized. The creators of this house know that it’s the worst feeling when you wave back to someone, only to realize the other person was waving to someone behind you. You thought that hot guy was trying to wave at you? GUESS AGAIN. You thought that cute dog on Locust was running up to come play with you? GUESS AGAIN. This house features tons of attractive people, seemingly best friends, and even professors pretending to wave at you but actually waving to someone behind you. To make things even scarier, an audience of onlookers will be surrounding you, exacerbating the shame.
The “Making Eye Contact With Someone in the Bathroom Stall” House- The creators of this house have actually done it: they found a way to make our greatest fear come alive. Whether you’re inside the stall or out, this scenario is truly terrifying. Peering into the windows of the soul of another while doing your business is quite uncomfortable. This haunted house features 10 rows of bathroom stalls filled with people simultaneously doing their business and staring at you through the hole in the door. You think you’ll be able to just look the other way? You know you won’t. Enjoy!