Freshman Stephan Cho reporting on the latest of his freshman contemporaries:

Trent Logan, a first-year college student, did not expect much upon enrolling in ‘Introduction to Sociology’ last semester. However, Logan’s recent report, “Mid-Term Paper: Gender in Society,” could change the very fabric of human society when his final draft is published around 3:00am EDT this Friday, after Logan completes his other papers and potentially his part of the group French presentation.

“Well, it used to be the case that men went to work and the women stayed at home,” Logan opens the monumental 1,003-word report: a full three words above the minimum word count. “But in today’s modern society, we can also have the women who work and in addition to that because gender is a social construct there are also the people who are not a men or woman [sic] who wear lipstick,” he continues, shattering centuries of conventional thinking on the subject.

Logan’s professor was quick to spot his talents, calling an early draft of the report “slightly late, but an effective use of the readings this semester.” The professor declined to be interviewed for this story.

However, Logan’s work does not come without its critics. “Trent is pretty obnoxious in class. It’s really frustrating when you try to come up with something to say in lecture each week, when you know he’ll just repeat what you said a few minutes before and try to talk over you. I don’t know why he’s in this class, and he needs to stop telling me what I’m doing wrong as a woman,” says classmate Emily Campbell.

Regardless, work is underway for Trent on the next generation of gender technology. “I want a girl who’s really, you know — she makes her own money and she’s a mom and isn’t afraid to want it all and still be sexy, you know. Maybe she’s got that curvy figure, that real all-American look, but also maybe a real badass tattoo. For me, it’s really all about feminism and just equality for everyone. Shout outs to Ronda Rousey for making me realize that. I’m really open-minded with that sort of thing, and I’m looking to really help the society. I mean, thinking long term, I might want to adopt someday. Maybe even a foster dog – a pit bull! My dick is fine, by the way, if you’re wondering. That’s just how I think about things.”

Logan has already begun considering future projects, which include tackling systemic racism when he enrolls in ‘The Politics of American Race Relations’ next semester.