You found it. Finally. The perfect house/apartment for your group of friends next year! The rent is cheap, the mold is minimal, and Amazon packages only get stolen off the porch about 50% of the time. The only problem is it requires one more person than you have enlisted. Or maybe you are about to sign the lease only for a friend to back out because at last minute they have decided to study abroad and go “find themselves”. Regardless, you need to find a new roommate, and fast! You’ve probably already asked all your friends and are getting desperate. Lucky for you, the Punch Bowl has compiled a nifty list to help you make sure you truly have asked everyone before giving up.

Here are some people worth reaching out to:

1. Friends of friends: Sure it may not be ideal to live with a stranger, but if your friend trusts them, you probably can too!
2. Vague acquaintances through old group-me’s: At least for a brief moment in time you shared a similar interest to get on the same listserv. You might even make a new friend!
3. Drexel student: One of the benefits of moving off campus is that you can live with anyone! Try looking outside the Penn bubble. Just make sure they don’t plan to pay rent in Dragon Dollars. The exchange rate to penncash is horrible!
4. Stranger on Craigslist: If no one is responding to your pleas in Penn’s housing Facebook group, try Craigslist. We hear it is full of sane, respectable people who definitely won’t watch you sleep or lick all your clean silverware.
5. One of the preachers on Locust: They may be a little conservative, but when you’re desperate, you’d be surprised how quickly you can adapt to the constant sounds of Christian soft rock. Plus, the ever persistent condemnation would encourage you to get out of the house more and revamp your heinous Pagan social life.
6. Gritty: He has a stable job and a lot of warmth and love to give. Plus due to his hardcore booze and alcohol-saturated lifestyle, we hear he is interested in renting out a place near campus to crash after frat parties and weekend drug bingers. Only downsides would be orange fur clogging the shower drain and his loud sex moans. Still, it would be worth it to live with a local celebrity!
7. A squirrel: You may be surprised, but they are always on time with rent. Where do they get the money? We have no idea, but find it’s best not to ask questions.

Happy house hunting! Good luck everyone!