What Kind of Fastening Device Are You?

by Chris Van Orden

The Fun New Personality Test brought to you by Moore Street Hardware
Bringing You the Best in Home Improvement since 1964

Are you a:
2-1/2 In. Joist Strip Nail? 1-1/4 In. Coarse Drywall Screw? 1-5/8 In. Bugle Head Screw?

Find out now!

1. When passing by you in the street, strangers most often remark, “Christ, look at that weirdo’s head! It sure is…”

1 – Flat and nail-shaped
2 – Phillips-y
3 – Oddly bugle-esque

2. You return home early one day from work, exhausted, only to find out your no-good boy/girlfriend in bed with someone else! You:

1 – Swiftly pierce through their skin into the wall behind them.
2 – Slowly start spinning, piercing through their skin and approximately 1-5/8 inches into the wall behind them.
3 – Slowly start spinning, piercing through their skin and approximately 1-1/4 inches into the wall behind them.

3. Your favorite color is:

1 – Sort of grayish
2 – More of a grayish-black
3 – Silvery gray

4. When dealing with personal issues, you’re most likely to:

1 – Try to figure things out for yourself. Then go hammer something.
2 – Look for a friend to talk it out with, preferably one with a Phillips-head screwdriver.
3 – Call up mom, who happens to have an affinity for bugle-head screwdrivers.

5. Your favorite euphemism for making intercourse is:

1 – To nail!
2 – To screw!
3 – To screw, only a little longer than in answer number 2!

6. This week only, you’re on sale at Moore Street Hardware’s “Thank Us Later Thanksgiving Blowout”, where they guarantee the lowest prices, period! You cost:

1 – $53.89/pk of 1500 (Can’t find a better price for you anywhere!)
2 – $48.89/pk of 2000 (That’s like giving you away!)
3 – $17.97/pk of 1000 (Wow! They must be crazy to offer you for such a low price!)

Add up your scores to find out what type of fastening device you are!

6-9 – You’re a 2-1/2 In. Joist Strip Nail. You’re a strong, independent type who enjoys autonomy. People see you as very driven, like a nail. You’re also very nail-like in other ways.

10-14 – You’re a 1-1/4 In. Coarse Drywall Screw. Although you can be a bit boorish (re: coarse), you’re a good friend with a heart of gold and a Phillips-head. And you’re a steal this week at Moore Street Hardware.

15-18 – You’re a 1-5/8 In. Bugle Head Screw. You can be a bit of a momma’s boy, but you’re really a party animal at heart. Your threading belies your inner resolve. You hate all 1-1/4 In. Coarse Drywall Screws.

So come on down to Moore Street Hardware’s “Thank Us Later Thanksgiving Blowout” and buy some you before we run out of you and you miss out on you!
(This test is in no way sponsored or endorsed by Moore Street Hardware or any of its affiliates)

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