Excerpts from Dungeons and Dragons: Penn Edition

by Alex King

Thank you for purchasing Dungeons and Dragons: Penn Edition! This scenario for the core D&D game will allow you and your party to experience the intrigue and thrills of Dungeon and Dragons in the mysterious lands of the University of Pennsylvania. An ancient kingdom ruled by the merciless tyrant Amy…

From ‘Race’, pgs. 12-13
… important choice for your adventurer. Each race comes with its own set of advantages and disadvantages, so choose carefully!
Whites are the most populous race in D&D: Penn Edition and possess no real advantages or disadvantages. They are ideal for newer players, or those afraid of minorities.
Subrace: Jewish
Jewish characters are intelligent, family-orientated and excel in all areas physical or mental. As a member of the Chosen People, Jewish characters receive an innate +2 to intelligence, strength, and dexterity, and may re-roll any dice roll they wish.
Pre-requisite: You may only play a Jewish character if your mother also played a Jewish character.

Lithe and slightly shorter than Whites, Asians are a mystical race. Marked by their slender frames and pointed ears, Asians have a deep connection with nature and are inherently magical. Naturally agile and dexterous, Asians make fine archers, but due to their intellect can also excel as wizards engineers.
There are several Asian subraces; Chinese, Japanese and Korean are supported by D&D: Penn Edition. Japanese characters receive a further +1 to intelligence, but -1 to having emotions. Chinese receive +1 to haggling, and -1 to world peace. Koreans receive +1 to bitching about the Japanese, and …

From ‘Class’, pgs. 15-17
Fighters are skilled at combat and all warlike endeavors. Fighters are not supported by D&D: Penn Edition. Please refer to D&D: West Philly Edition.

A cleric is responsible for the treatment, safety and recovery of acutely or chronically ill or injured people, health maintenance of the healthy, the treatment of life-threatening emergencies in a wide range of health care settings. Due to the rigor of studies required by the School of Clericing, experts expect there to be a large shortage of Clerics by as soon as 2015. While the majority of Clerics are female, a small minority of male Clerics exist. In addition to healthcare, Clerics are also skilled in fighting the undead (see Wharton School of Business, pg. 149).

Skilled at brawling, drinking, and banging wenches, barbarians are a noisome reminder of low acceptance standards in D&D: Penn Edition. Barbarians often join rowdy fraternal organizations, to better surround themselves with their fellow ‘bro-barians’…

From ‘Stats’, pg. 35
Representing your characters aptitude in various areas, stats will affect most of your adventures.
Dexterity – Affects a number of challenges, from picking a lock to unhooking a bra with one hand.
Strength – A seldom used stat in D&D: Penn Edition…

From ‘Gender’, pg. 22
Due to numerous complaints from customers and the Women’s Rights League, female characters will no longer receive -3 to strength and intelligence, +6 to cooking, and are no longer evil by default.

Leave a Reply