Ten Things You Can Do To Feel Better About Yourself Without Having To Spend Thousands of Dollars on Plastic Surgery or Committing Suicide

by Walker Hawkins

1. Fight somebody weaker and/or smaller than you (preferably a child or grandparent)

2. Never look at your own reflection

3. Google “cancer”

4. Attend a Wharton Accounting Society meeting

5. Join a business fraternity; realize you’re not alone (and enhance your resume in the process)

6. Befriend someone with a uni-brow

7. Go to Facebook and search for “Walker Hawkins” (Some guys like unicorns…)

8. Buy a Blackberry

9. Become attracted to the same sex

10. Avoid Asians (they’ll only make you feel stupid)

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