Like a lot of Penn seniors, I’m not really sure what I want to do after college is over. My life coach told me that when I’m not sure what I want to do, I should make a list of options and write down the pros and cons of each choice. My life coach is really just a legally purchased mp3 of Des’Ree’s “You Gotta Be,” but the advice is excellent nonetheless. Since I am majoring in the humanities, my list is very short:
| Option | Pros | Cons |
| Live in parent’s basement, trying to find burger-flipping job. | Plenty of time to reorganize pog collection and reflect on poor life choices. | Ladies not impressed. |
…there are no other options. But if you are a typical high-achieving Penn student, your list probably looks more like this:
| Option | Pros | Cons |
| Management Consulting | Unique opportunity for professional growth and personal fulfillment. | No one really seems to know what “management consulting” is. |
| Law School | Courtroom drama: “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit!” | Courtroom drama: Brit no longer talking to Courtney because she hooked up with Aaron, who was, like, totally with Nicole at the time, but Aaron says they were on a break. |
| Med School | Get to cut people without getting arrested. | The competition is Doogie Houser, MD. |
| Teach for America | Might be like The Dead Poet’s Society. | More likely like Dangerous Minds (but without the happy ending.) |
| Peace Corps | Making a difference! | War, famine, pestilence, death |
| Grad School | As a TA, you get to lord grading power over trembling undergrads. | Penn grad students…do they look happy with their decision? |
| Investment Banking | Salary sufficient to fulfill lifelong dream of lighting Cuban cigar with hundred dollar bill. | Cocaine now considered a health risk. |
| Rhodes Scholarship | People will assume you are smart so you will probably get to do whatever you want afterwards. | English food, exchange rate, dental hygiene, imperialism, classism, weather. |
| Rock Musicianship | Sex, Drugs, etc. | Being good at Guitar Hero not same as being good at guitar. |
| Prostitution | Set your own hours, opportunity for use of creativity in the workplace. | Uncomfortable uniform, herpes, objectification in rap music. |
| Broadway | Jazz hands. | All cute guys are gay, have AIDS, and are real complainers about it too |