by Alexander Jacobson
Those face-glasses girls wear to shield their eyes from the sun keep concealing their identity and it’s pissing me off. I was trotting right down locust on my way to physics and saw my friend Madeline. I ran up, punched her in the boob and yelled “how dare you get pregnant, that’s so messed up!” entirely in jest. I soon discovered, however, that this was not Madeline, but a female rugby player who was way too up-tight about babies. And, uh, being punched in the boob.
Trying to conceal the black-and-blue shiner I’d just acquired, I clenched one hand over my eye and fumbled into class. Little did I know that my eleven o’clock physics class shared a hall with a support group for the blind that met every morning from ten to eleven. My phone read 10:47. It wouldn’t have been so bad if no one had said anything. They’d never know I had ever barged in on them. But then, just as I’m thinking, “Wow, clenching one hand over my eye in a support group for the blind would be a real asshole move. Thank God they can’t see—”, the real Madeline blares at me from across the hallway, “Don’t mock them, you know they can’t see you. You’re such an asshole!” I suppose that means my chances with the brunette in the front row are shot… if she only knew how cute she was.