Why I Don't Like Having a Mac

by Jonathan Weinblatt

Let me preface this column by saying that I love my Mac as much as a human can love a machine (legally, of course), but as with any relationship, there are certain basic issues I have with my computer, simply because it is a Mac.

Having to defend Justin Long in his annoying commercial campaign against the poor helpless PC guy

I don’t know, I just feel like I’m supposed stick up for him to because he represents my computer. Unfortunately, it comes off like he’s really trying to rub the other guy’s face in it. What a jerk. Why be so divisive? Is it because Macs were once the underdogs to PCs and now Macs have surpassed PCs in both hipness and user friendliness? At the same time, it’s kind of like how Boston sports teams used to suck and now they dominate the New York teams and won’t shut up about it. I hate both Boston teams and New York teams. So maybe that makes me a Linux guy. But I digress …

Can’t play Starcraft

I don’t even like Starcraft that much, but it’s a valid complaint for many young people. I mean, considering that it’s probably the #1 computer use for a lot of dorks out there, that’s a pretty big reason not to get a Mac. But really, it’s not a huge problem for me. It’s just like the Beatles song that goes, “All You Need is Love,” only if you replaced “love” with “Civilization IV”.

Everything, such as my iPod, Blackberry, Palm Pilot, printer and camera sync incredibly well with my computer. No installation software ever required. I’ve got a build in webcam, a remote for my music, and I can even run programs that are supposed to work on Windows only. I also don’t get viruses. And in the time since writing the last paragraph, I found out that you can in fact play Starcraft on a Mac. Who knew?

My mistake, I accidentally copied that one over from the “Reasons I love my Mac” column. If any PC people were offended by this, I apologize. It was completely intentional, I mean, unintentional.

Having a computer of superior aesthetic value makes me look bad by comparison

With great power comes great responsibility indeed. If I go out in public with my Macbook Pro and I’m not dressed appropriately, onlookers will think to themselves, “Geez, how did that dude get with such an amazing machine? He must have an incredible endowment … of iTunes music.” Some days, it’s not even worth bringing my computer to take notes in class, because all those PC dorks are always drooling over her, I mean, “it.” Oh, by the way, for those of you who are wondering, I do have a remarkable endowment … of iTunes music.

I have to listen to sarcastic chants of “Hey, I thought Macs weren’t supposed to break” every time my goddamn computer breaks, that piece of shit machine

That one is pretty much self-explanatory

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