by Walker Hawkins

In this time of a deepening economic crisis in both America and the rest of the world people are becoming more and more cautious of where to put their money. What is more, it is becoming quite apparent that the stock market may not be the best place to put your money at the moment. With this in mind, Punch Bowl has created a list of investment alternatives for today’s cautious investor.

1. Big, rubber-banded wad of cash you carry around in your pocket
2. Andrew Fastow’s personal bank account
3. A prince in Nigeria who just needs to borrow some money via non-traceable email
4. Beanie Babies (trust us, they’re making a comeback)
5. Any pyramid scheme you may happen across
6. A lit fireplace
7. Lehman Brothers (trust us, they’re making a comeback)
8. Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints’ Education Fund
9. FEMA
10. An envelope addressed as follows: Walker Hawkins, Trinity College Dublin, House 64.3.04, Dublin 2, Ireland (please!)