Top Ten Reasons You Should Not Support Prop 8

by Walker Hawkins

In today’s day and age of hydrogen batteries, frozen yogurt, and water boarding, it seems a little odd that us Americans still have a problem with gay marriage. I mean, we’ve progressed far enough to invent a phone that literally allows you to stream horse porn and yet, we can’t seem to deal with two people of the same sex wishing to be married. Anyways, with that in mind, Punch Bowl has made a list of why you should not support Proposition 8. (Editors’ note: not everyone in Punch Bowl may actually be against Proposition 8; we do have a staff member from Georgia.)

1. The Bible is so last millennium
2. You scratch our back , we’ll scratch your…whatever you want actually, we really don’t mind
3. Remember that time at summer camp? Do you really want to vote against that?
4. What’s next, not allowing uncles to see their nieces and nephews?
5. You were born in the 80s, which means you were probably conceived while your parents were listening to either Madonna or Duran Duran…there’s a good chance you might be gay…
6. It’s really fun to chant things
7. If you’re in a fraternity, you already support homoeroticism every day
8. You should probably more worried about the world running out of oil…or the polar ice caps melting…or the glooming global recession…or the latest episode of Gossip Girl
9. Is this the one about not allowing midgets into grocery stores between the hours of 6 and 7 PM? Oh, that’s Proposition 9, what’s this? Gay marriage…to be honest I really just care about this midgets thing.
10. At least they’re not having an abortion right?

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