There are two films in my lifetime that I have been told I need to see as soon as they were released, and since I’ve already waited 69 years to see Citizen Kane (I had a sled when I was a kid too, but did I make a movie about it? No!), I decided that I should do as requested, and see The Social Network right away.

I knew a few things about the film before going to see it. It was written by Aaron Sorkin, the creator of my favorite sleep medication: The West Wing. I also knew that it was directed by David Fincher, who directed my second favorite movie about Brad Pitt and a bar of soap. I also heard that Justin Timberlake is in it, but I don’t really know who he is. All I heard is that he is dating Britney Spears. I’m not really sure who she is either, but it’s nice to hear that they’ve found each other. I couldn’t believe they found two actors who look exactly the same to play those Winklevoss twins that are BOTH named Armie Hammer! What are the odds of that? The real star of the film, however, is Mark Zuckerberg, who plays the angry and socially uncomfortable Jesse Eisenberg.

I thought the film itself was pretty good, but I had one major problem with this picture: the script was terribly unrealistic. What kind of an awful person would actually betray his friends like Jesse Eisenberg did. That was an incredible performance by Mark Zuckerberg to make that far-fetched character seem believable. I also found the doomsday invention they were creating, the Face Book, to be an extraordinarily implausible plot device. What kind of people would really want to put themselves in a computer? If you’re in a computer, where do you go to the bathroom? How can you watch The Lawrence Welk Show? Is there any whitefish in a computer? People can’t live in computers, and if they could they wouldn’t want to. I doubt a million people would ever be lured into his The Face Book*.

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