Rick James: Behind the Cocaine

This column is brought to you by music correspondent and Rick James enthusiast, Miguel Davila.

Rick James is one of the most prolific cocaine users of all time. This much we know, thanks to Charlie Murphy. He went harder than all but a few ever have. It’s unfortunate, though, that he is only known to this generation for his questionable declarations of unity and his tendency to greet others with five fingers. What I want to do is introduce you to a man with unparalleled sexual charisma. To this end, I will walk you through his 1981 tribute to human sexuality, “Give It To Me Baby.” Prepare for the most sexual experience of your life.

Note: This was originally supposed to be released near the tenth anniversary of the famous Dave Chappelle skit back in February, but time makes fools of us all.

0:03 Oh my. I understand if you already need to recover from the overwhelming seduction. We’re in for a show, folks.

0:06 Rick’s lady is reading the newspaper in bed while waiting for him. You know, if I were about to make love to the Super Freak I would be reading the newspaper, too. She has quite the task ahead of her. Gotta do something to keep your cool.

0:27 There is just so much to say about this shot that my brain is having a hard time taking it all in.

Let’s start with his utterly on point fashion sense. White suits are ALWAYS a good idea. Adding the barely buttoned red shirt in to the mix is just some next level shit. For real, though, has anyone ever been this irresistible? That hair. THAT LOOK. I want nothing more than to surrender myself to him. Let’s continue while I can still focus.

0:28 Don’t you roll your eyes at him, girl. You know you’re thrilled that he came home last night.

0:40 You know I would talk to you, Rick. About serious things or just whatever, man. You can trust me.

0:48 I’m sorry, but I need another moment.

Can anybody give me a convincing argument that Rick isn’t the sexiest being of all time, human or otherwise? Doubtful. Just look at that magnificent face and that beautiful head of hair. At this point he’s only competing with the army of offspring he almost certainly has running around.

0:53 He just wants to love you, baby. Why won’t you let him love you? Are you listening to this bass? This is baby making music.

0:58 How is she resisting him?

I don’t care what “it” is, Rick, I would give it to you. Leave this ice queen and be happy with me forever.

1:10 Just imagine what those hands are capable of.

1:15 Oh shit. The jacket is coming off, ladies and gentlemen. Rick means business now.

1:20 I actually think I could spend my whole life watching Rick sing into the mirror. Perfection.

1:33 “Say what?” indeed.

1:44 The video is kicking into high gear now, people.

Seriously, the man is a god. There is no better way to make a transition within a song than to scream like that. This is Michael Jackson status. Absolutely amazing.

1:55 THE SHIRT HAS COME OFF.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate that sex is literally oozing out of your computer screen right now? JT never would have needed to bring sexy back if Rick had kept making videos like this.

2:00 Interesting. We have a change of scenery and Mr. James appears to be romancing a new companion.

2:11 His expression says it all.

If you’re going to get jealous, lady, you shouldn’t have been so dismissive last night. Rick is a certified sex machine. You can’t play games with him and expect him not to go find someone else. This is your own damn fault.

2:21 Who cares how you can love her? What about me, Rick? I would never play these kinds of games with you.

2:27 Again. Absolutely oozing.

2:42 Look how playful this is. You just know he’s the best lover. I also love how he looks at the camera every time he’s about to go in for the kiss. Gotta acknowledge the audience, you know?

3:03 She’s taking a dive. I honestly don’t know which one of them I’m more jealous of right now…