At our weekly ritual gathering this past week, the newest batch of young Punch Bowlers told the rest of us what they unintentionally learned during NSO…

• Outdoor couches are excellent places to pass out
• Pants = towel
• Don’t talk to the person in the stall next to you… especially in the gender neutral restroom
• All bathrooms are gender neutral if you put your mind to it
• MERT wears red shirts that say MERT, they are not undercover
• Guys who stand on the scale naked just want an accurate reading
• The best way to have a threesome is to ask
• Roofies are not a recreational drug
• Fraternities use collective sweat from the previous party for the next party’s jungle juice
• Playing guitar in the quad to get laid will have the opposite effect
• BYOB does not refer to balloons
• Your ethnicity is only legitimate if you have an a capella group
• The fires at Tap House are not holograms but Amy G might be
• Bring rain boots to the bathroom to avoid vomit on the floor
• How to pretend you’re sober to get past the quad security guards
• Don’t live in Gregory
• And of course, Penn parents have some interesting thoughts:

• “Dad, do you really think I’m going to use all of these condoms?”
• “Dad…. You know I use magnums.”
• “If I was your age I would totally come to this room, honey!”