At our weekly ritual gathering this past week, the newest batch of young Punch Bowlers told the rest of us what they unintentionally learned during NSO…
- Outdoor couches are excellent places to pass out
- Pants = towel
- Don’t talk to the person in the stall next to you… especially in the gender neutral restroom
- All bathrooms are gender neutral if you put your mind to it
- MERT wears red shirts that say MERT, they are not undercover
- Guys who stand on the scale naked just want an accurate reading
- The best way to have a threesome is to ask
- Roofies are not a recreational drug
- Fraternities use collective sweat from the previous party for the next party’s jungle juice
- Playing guitar in the quad to get laid will have the opposite effect
- BYOB does not refer to balloons
- Your ethnicity is only legitimate if you have an a capella group
- The fires at Tap House are not holograms but Amy G might be
- Bring rain boots to the bathroom to avoid vomit on the floor
- How to pretend you’re sober to get past the quad security guards
- Don’t live in Gregory
- And of course, Penn parents have some interesting thoughts:
- “Dad, do you really think I’m going to use all of these condoms?”
- “Dad…. You know I use magnums.”
- “If I was your age I would totally come to this room, honey!”