Things Unintentionally Learned During NSO

At our weekly ritual gathering this past week, the newest batch of young Punch Bowlers told the rest of us what they unintentionally learned during NSO…

  • Outdoor couches are excellent places to pass out
  • Pants = towel
  • Don’t talk to the person in the stall next to you… especially in the gender neutral restroom
  • All bathrooms are gender neutral if you put your mind to it
  • MERT wears red shirts that say MERT, they are not undercover
  • Guys who stand on the scale naked just want an accurate reading
  • The best way to have a threesome is to ask
  • Roofies are not a recreational drug
  • Fraternities use collective sweat from the previous party for the next party’s jungle juice
  • Playing guitar in the quad to get laid will have the opposite effect
  • BYOB does not refer to balloons
  • Your ethnicity is only legitimate if you have an a capella group
  • The fires at Tap House are not holograms but Amy G might be
  • Bring rain boots to the bathroom to avoid vomit on the floor
  • How to pretend you’re sober to get past the quad security guards
  • Don’t live in Gregory
  • And of course, Penn parents have some interesting thoughts:
  • “Dad, do you really think I’m going to use all of these condoms?”
  • “Dad…. You know I use magnums.”
  • “If I was your age I would totally come to this room, honey!”


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