Thanksgiving Haikus

Thanksgiving tidings
Getting drunk with high school “friends”
Thank God I got out

Wore a wool sweater.
Ate a wool sweater. I tripped
Balls with my uncle.

Thank you Bill Cosby
This turkey makes me tired
ZZZ ZzZ zzz zzz Zzz

I know I gained weight.
You’ve never used a treadmill too.
Fuck you Grandma Sue

Wait Mom who is she?
What? She’s in our family?
When did this happen?

Oh my god baste god
Yes you can baste my turkey
Swag swag baste god swag

Went to Ikea
On Black Friday. We bought a
Chair at great discount.

Why are you fisting
The turkey? Oh wait, you’re just
Making the stuffing

A year won’t change things
Grandpa is def still racist
Yup, and Grandma too

Dinnertime, you mean
Time to disagree with dad
about politics?

Turkey gets pardoned
But Uncle Roy behind bars
Twenty-five to life

I love Black Friday
Let’s buy some cheap useless shit
Oops I stepped on him

I bought lots of things
Will I ever use all this?
No, no you will not

Is that a chicken?
Why do you hate thanksgiving?
What? I’m adopted?

Hello Uncle Roy
Is that another new wife?
Parole Officer

I brought the turkey
you brought the awkward small talk
Let’s get super drunk

Keep our thanksgiving food safe.
Read this in reverse.

The turkey is dead
But the cranberry sauce is
Very much alive.

I confused Easter
With thanksgiving. I’m so sorry.
I hope you like eggs.

Turkey Turkey Turk
Turkey Turkey Turkey Turk
Ey Turkey Turkey

Who is Thanksgiving?
I’m not sure I understand

November comes around
Each year. And we bow our heads.
Giving thanks for pies.

Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?
Where did you put my laundry!
I need that sweater.

Enjoy leftovers
But do not enjoy the death
That awaits us all.

Leave a Reply