This Week In Review: Swingers, Boycotts, and Thinkpieces

West Philly Swingers Show Rated “0 out of 10” by Springdale Retirement Home

This week has been a tough one for Penn’s premier swing dancing group. This past week the club has been hit hard with scathing reviews from residents of the Springdale Retirement Home, who attended a recent show.

“The title of the club is very misleading” said resident Loretta Parker, “now what am I going to do with all this lube?!”

Fellow resident Herbert Stein agreed with Parker. “I wanted to be jacked by Jill, I don’t even know how to Jack and Jill”.

Members of the Springdale Retirement Home were allegedly overheard discussing an upcoming DP meeting at the show , saying that “it’s not really my thing, but I’ll give anything a try”.


This Penn Student is Changing the World, One Share Button at a Time

Sophomore Marvin Pierce (Wharton ‘18) has been making ripples in the social media sphere after sharing his 18th article from the Huffington Post this week.

No person is above the law, an American ideal that Trump seems neither to understand nor to embrace” courageously stated Pierce entirely in the words of someone who actually watched the most recent GOP debate. Throughout this election season, Marvin Pierce has slammed his mouse down on thousands of share buttons, distributing fiery rhetoric written by people who can actually articulate a coherent political argument.
When asked about what his personal views, Pierce was just as eloquent as the articles he shared. “I don’t know man, Trump just kinda sucks”, said Pierce as he scrolled through his Facebook timeline for the next 500 word thinkpiece that soon will be ignored by thousands.

Wow! This Penn Student Has Boycotted The Oscars for 21 Years

Speaking of activism, the Academy Awards have come under fire for the lack of diversity in their nominations, prompting boycotts and passive-aggressive hashtags all across the nation. But these warriors aren’t the first ones to enter in this battle against the Oscars. Penn senior Terrance Winters (C’ 16) has been against the grain since he exited the womb.

“Wait, the Oscars already happened? Totally slipped my mind,” declared Winters with the fire of ten thousand suns burning deep within his eyes. When the revolutionary was told about Leonardo DiCaprio’s historic first Oscar win, Winters did not hold back his feelings. “Oh yeah? That’s pretty cool, though I feel like no one has ever questioned the quality of his acting, but glad he got a trophy though.” Inspiring.

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