Most Penn students are already accustomed with spotting pastors and protesters on Locust Walk holding signs like:

“Those who reject Jesus do so because of sin, not because of science or evidence.”

 

While this is informative, it reminded us of a few other things we think you should know:

1.        Those able-bodied people who take the elevator to the first floor do so because they’re lazy asses, not because they’re trying to be efficient.

 

2.        Those who trip on Locust do so because the bricks are a booby trap, not because of coordination or general klutziness.

 

3.        Those who walk across the compass before their first midterm do so because they know it’s all BS, not because they aren’t aware or WANT to fail.

 

4.        Those who sit on the Ben Franklin bench do so because they’re blissfully ignorant, not because they want to sit in urine.

 

5.        Those who go to Van Pelt to study do so because they’re masochists, not because they want to get work done.

 

We hope to see you sporting your sign on Locust tomorrow!