Thanksgiving Haiku Poems – 2018

I eat smoked turkey

In honor of Cali

lol I can’t go home


Going for a “walk”

Now my eyes are red as shit

Those carrots look good


My family’s here

Casual alcoholics

No one bring up Trump


It’s time to give thanks

My sister-in-law looks hot

Better be careful


Your son pisses me off

Better mash his head into

The mashed potatoes


Played tackle football

Stiff armed my stupid step mom

Why’d you remarry?


Suck my dick Aunt Sue

I don’t care about your gout

Just die already


Eating at Wawa

Thanksgiving gobbler is cold

Is this rock bottom?


I am a freshman

I still don’t have any friends

“College is great, mom”

Going home for break

Hook up with the neighbor girl            

She’s gotten bigger


This stuffing is bad

Grandma must be off her game

Oh wait she’s dead now


A turkey can’t fly

But if you try hard enough

You can drink more wine


Please this thanksgiving

Don’t support mass genocide

Buy a tofurkey


Great Aunt Alice says:

“Look how much you’ve grown this year”

Glancing at my crotch


Amy G turned 69

Going home for Thanksgiving

Amy G turned 69


I’m only eating

Stuffing for this thanksgiving;

Stuffed and very sick.


Turkey pardoned by

The president develops

guilt complex after.


“This turkey sucks, mom”

“I’m under lots of pressure;

Where did I go wrong?”


A Jerk off joke: mashed

Potatoes- masturbatoes?

Word play? Witty? No.


My aunt is drunk at

2 o’clock. This causes rifts

in the family.


Stop force feeding me

Please grandma it’s hurting bad

I hope that was a fart


On this Thanksgiving

Why don’t you stuff my turkey

You know what I mean 😉


It do be like that

It be like that sometimes

That’s all I say now


I detest turkey

Is turkey even kosher?

I don’t keep kosher


“Look how tall you are!

You’ve grown so much since last year.”

“Who the hell are you?”


I just killed someone,

Trampled some woman’s toddler

Got a dollar off


Mounds of stuffing and

Pies and potatoes. but

aunt sue’s on keto


Great Aunt Sue’s vice grip

Uncle Harold’s sweaty palms

God help me. Amen.


Turkey is so so dry

Why does this dumb flightless bird

Make me want to die


What was that Aunt Karen?

You can’t eat turkey ‘cuz you’re vegan?

Heard ya the first ten times.


I have lots of land

Native Americans don’t

Happy thanksgiving


A day of cooking

Setting off the smoke alarms

I’ll call the pizza


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