Sophie Sabel cannot dance, but she does have a gym class pass which enables her to attend zumba class with a tenacity missing from almost every other key area of her life-namely her schoolwork, her social life, and her career. Now this totally fine, the Punch Bowl does not pass judgement on other people and how they spend their time, but at frat parties Sophie’s commitment to dance exercise is most apparent.

“Now Kick! Now pretend your lifting weights!” a very sober Sophie shouted to a crowded room of people. “Pivot! Pivot!” No one obeyed Sophie’s commands, and it seemed almost like she was shouting them for herself.

I spoke with some of friends who largely believed that her dancing would not be so embarrassing if her Zumba teacher practiced a more current form of the dance art. “Like, ok, if her teacher was having her workout to say Arianna Grande or something, then maybe some of her moves would be relevant….but I am pretty sure she just works out to the theme music of obscure TV shows and old exercise videos.”

We turned to look at Sophie. “Twist, and twist, and one arm forward and one arm backwards!” Sophie shouts, trying to mash her workout routine and Eminem in the basement of a frat.

Keep doing you, Sophie! But maybe find a more contemporary Zumba studio to visit.