As promised, here they are! Thanks to everyone for sharing your coherent words of drunken wisdom over the weekend.

(845): Does this work? 2:52 PM
Me: yes. yes it does. 12:49 P
(860): Thus it begins. 4:44 PM
(215): will doesn’t buy books before using them for papers at barnes and noble 8:52 PM
(845): I’m fucked up and I’m feeling like drunl unicorns need to lead this hoe to me. Hollah 10:18 PM
(845): Hollahhollahhollahhollahhollahhollah 10:19 PM

(646): Whoa…my eighth-grade girlfriend just texted me to say that she had a baby. This really is an awesome, awesome fling. Ugly baby, though. 3:00 PM
(215): It’s 4pm and i can still read my phone to know that it’s 4pm…what the hell is wrong with me?!? 4:03 PM
(914): Just had a meeting with my major adviser after 6 shots of sambuca. highly recommended 4:10 PM
(302): Overheard: It wasnt public urinating my pants were up & I should always work out when Im drunk. This doesnt hurt at all. 8:59 PM
(215): Dude lets go to the womens center and ask for sandwiches. 10:01 PM

(215): I can’t decide whether i should watch snoop or go home to poop! 10:27 PM
(267): Is there such thing as a sad drunk? 2:37 AM
(267): Snoop dogg is great at talking about bitches and weed. Why cant I be that good? 2:31 AM
(267): Choose bosley hair solutions so your son can ruffle through your glorious locks when he’s sitting on your shoulder 3:00 AM
(267): Chips and dip madam? Lololol 2:54 AM

(267): Get crunk motha fucka ahahahaha 2:19 AM
(408): Bitch, you just picked that up from the floor. What? I’m not eating it or anything! 3:01 AM
(408): Amalia can have my right butt cheek and Marg can have my left butt cheek. “Let’s slap them at the same time” 2:48 AM
(215): aww man, there’s something in my vagina. HOW INCONVENIENT. 2:53 PM
(215): there is a girl in my apartment wearing nothing but denim shorts and 1 dollar bills taped on her tits 2:48 PM

(908): Let’s fling I mean fuck 1:38 AM
(609): Actual quote: “Oh, Dan, you had me at ‘Bleuuugh'” 1:44 AM
(609): It always preplexes me how Americans used to rag on Communist countries for having long lines for government handouts, but as soon as there’s free shit being handed out, they queue up like nobody’s business. 9:06 PM
(215): I am left over drunk in class not wearing a bra giggling. 1:04 PM
(610): “But mom, he only did shrooms once last night.” 1:13 PM

(402) Apr 17 6:01pm I love asians. Also, Quiero mas drank 1:45 PM
(402) I have breasts. They’ll let me in, even if it’s only through a backdoor with a make shift platform of coitus1:43 PM
(517) Haaahaa, some girl got bitten by a goat 1:42 PM
(828): Day drinking > other type of drinking 4:48 PM
(828): I’m only sort of drunk. I’m coherent enough to say coherent in a text 4:52 PM

(856): I’m at mcdonalds, I just saw 2 drunk guys fight over mcnuggets 5:33 PM
(856): Oh man. Fling shows no mercy. 5:34 PM
(—): Brett: [Looks at time] “It’s only 10:00PM! I’m not going to make it!” [Turns to Ross] “Kiss me.” 5:39 PM
(856): So I’m sticking condoms in peoples hoods. Just filling my duty as a nurse. 5:30 PM
(918): Haha wtf, im alive, seriousky? Celebrate!! ! ! 5:40 PM

(918): Wrong. Wine for breakfast is not classy, its dissolution. 5:11 PM
(918): Do you have my clothes? There are strange red stains on my bed and im missing stuff, like my memories of last night. 4:59 PM
(301): FWD: think drukn you as not i are. pistachio. SOUP! 12:07 AM
(267): Dude… What the fuck am I doing… I’m at her place, she’s changing into her pajamas… 10:57 PM
(848): From a friend: Fuuuuuuck yea, im cur1ntly figbgying qitn bouncers 8:31 PM

(774): Fwd: i’m where you sad you where but see near i don’t. Far now? Cellbio me 3:00 PM
(774): Fwd: so hungover that i read the roman numerals wrong and just read the wrong 3 entire chapters of Ovid’s metamorphoses. Fuck. 6:15 PM


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