Freshman columnist Celine Cumming tells us how to make the MOST of hosting an incoming Penn student for Quaker Days.

In order to make sure your Baby Quaker gets the most realistic version of Penn, make sure to follow these fun tips to promote everyone’s fifth or sixth favorite Ivy League School!

1. Take them to the Hell Hill Dining Hall at any time other than brunch! They’ll love the healthy options rationed out by the generous and kind staff!
2. Trap the next cockroach you find and show it to your student! They will really appreciate seeing the thriving Philadelphia wildlife. Bonus if you find a mouse or a snake!
3. Take them to a frat party! This will really help show your student what you mean when you say, “Penn students give 110% in everything they do” and “No, really, they don’t understand the words ‘in moderation’” and “No, SERIOUSLY, physical alcohol limits are COMPLETELY ignored,” as you point to someone being MERT-ed.
4. Take them to DRL!
5. Open your windows at night while they sleep so they hear the constant construction! This will show your future Quaker how devoted Amy Gutmann is to renovation and spending money on things that matter!
6. Show them the bleak, devastated faces that populate the Van Pelt basement at 2 a.m.! Your student will definitely want to know that students here work until they cry, and will be thrilled to join such a dedicated community!
7. Forward every UPenn Alert to them! The occasional shooting will make them feel like they are truly living on an urban campus.
8. Have them tag along when you go to any classes where the professor has an accent thicker than the textbook. Never mind the fact you can’t understand what they’re saying—the cultural diversity of the faculty enables a whole new kind of learning! Your unjaded high school student will love this challenging yet unrewarding environment!
9. Put them in a room with Wharton students and have them talk about anything. They will immediately realize how self-esteem is unhealthily high here! Who would meet a Wharton student and not want to spend the next three years with them?
10. Have your Baby Quake pick up a copy of the DP! They will love the high quality of journalism!
11. During normal conversation, just slip in the number 67,000 to subliminally message your host student. This way, the tuition number won’t seem as large or strange to them. Try saying things like, “That house/large animal/beverage is $67,000. Wow! What a reasonable price.”
12. Ask them to get something to eat at Sweetgreen or Honeygrow! The two hours it takes them will give them time to appreciate how supportive Penn students are of small, organic businesses!

If you use these simple and fun tips, your student will surely love Penn for the school it truly is and not just for its 9.4% acceptance rate!