Saturday BONUS: My NSO Experience

by Josh Rabinowitz

      Today we bring you Josh Rabinowitz. recounting his NSO days, which were all of a month ago.

      My NSO Experience

      I walk in to the frat party. I scan the scene, I feel people looking at me…admiring me. I don’t want to brag but I’m 5’6”, and outstandingly good looking, if outstandingly good looking means ever so slightly above average. I sit by the jungle juice with a few friends, as they gulp, I sip. I have no alcohol tolerance. Two girls walk over for jungle juice, one begins talking to me:
      She asks if there is any jungle juice left, I respond yeah. She then asks if I can get it for her, I respond yeah. We verify that we are both freshman. Her name is Jane, she’s from Florida. I’m Josh, from New York. She really likes the jungle juice, and doesn’t want to start classes at all. I agree and tell her that I start Spanish in two days. We are in the same class, she is ecstatic. We’re going to sit next to each other. I’m excited.

The Following Night
      There’s Jane. She’s walking towards me, and waves. I wave back, then I hear two girls shriek behind me and run up and hug Jane. The wave was not for me. She walks over to me and asks about the Jungle Juice that I’m standing next to.
      She asks if there is any jungle juice left, I respond yeah. She introduces herself as Jane, and I again tell her I am Josh from Florida. She’s from Florida too. She doesn’t want to start classes. I tell her that I don’t either, and that I start with Spanish in two days. I feel like a loser for I know not a soul in the class. We’re in the same class. What a shock. I hope we watch a movie in Spanish like my favorite, Grandma’s Boy. Her favorite movie is Wedding Crashers. We are going to sit next to each other in class. A mosquito floats by my face and I swat it. She’s horrified. She’s an animal lover. She leaves, but we are still going to sit next to each other in class.

Spanish Class
      Jane walks in, we make eye contact and she waves. I wave back. I then see the girl behind me run up and hug her. The wave was not for me. She sits two over from me.
      She introduces herself as Jane, I tell her that I’m Josh from Florida and that it is truly great to meet her. She’s from Florida, too. Jane wonders what we are going to do today. I don’t know what we are doing but I would love to watch Wedding Crashers. It turns out that’s her favorite movie too. Four ants swarm my desk. I point them out as I scoop them up and bring them to the safety of the window. I just love animals. Turns out she does too. She’s a vegetarian.

Houston Hall
      I walk up to the tables at Houston Hall with my roast beef, ham, and turkey sandwich. I see Jane, sitting alone. She waves, I wave back. Two girls run up behind me and sit down. The wave wasn’t for me. I walk over and greet Jane. She introduces herself. I tell her I must have mistaken her for someone else, and that my name is Josh. I ask to sit down, but all the seats at her table have been reserved. She points out a butterfly passing by. I try to swat it but miss and my meat sandwich explodes onto their table. She’s repulsed by meat. I leave.

Locust Walk
      As I stroll down Locust, Jane approaches. We make extended eye contact. I give a “smile wave.” She gives a “blank stare walk by.” I make pretend I’m on the phone with a friend and tell him how I brought Wedding Crashers. I hang up as she looks over and she introduces herself as Jane. I reveal that I am Josh and that I miss Florida weather. She does too. She’s also from Florida. We start walking a bit and I point out all the beautiful wildlife. She loves animals. I tell her about my favorite salads, and how I’ve been a vegetarian for a year. Jane is a vegetarian too, go figure. As we are walking a girl stops me to ask for the time. I tell her, and she’s grateful to find out she has a half hour before calculus. We are in the same class. Her name is Melissa. I tell her that I am Josh. Melissa has to go meet some friends but says bye David. I say yeah… You too, and turn back to Jane. Jane is about half a block away strolling along… with four guys.

I stomp a beetle to death.

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