Friday Special: Hey Amy Gutmann

by Tati A

            As we prepare for the start of the year, Tati A wrote the following song “Hey Amy Gutmann” to the tune of “Hey Delilah” by the Plain White Ts.

Hey Amy Gutmann

Hey Amy Gutmann
What’s it like up in West Philly?
I’m a thousand miles away
Would saying Yes to Penn be silly?
What do I do
Harvard and Yale they want me too
I swear it’s true

Hey Amy Gutmann
Should I worry about the shootings
Do you give students free tasers
I’ll need one if I’m commuting
Maze the eyes
To catch professors by surprise
If they spread my thighs

Oh what will Ward do to me
Oh, I know he’ll soon be free
Oh, do freshmen bring him glee?
Oh, his kiddy porn degree
Kiddy porn degree

Hey Amy Gutmann
I acquired papilloma
But just believe me girl
Someday I’ll find a cure with this diploma
I’ll pierce my hood,
Have the sex life I knew I could
My word is good

Hey Amy Gutmann
I’ve got so much weight to loose
But if I fuck a Castle fratguy
I can score free coke and booze
I’d snort it all
I’ll stretch out my vaginal wall
For an eight-ball

Oh, what will Penn do to me
Oh, a Prada shopping spree
Oh, daddy will pay for me
Oh, my Ivy pedigree

43rd Street seems pretty far
I hear the hookers there steal cars
But I’d walk there for a case of Natty light
Then sit around the Bio-pond
My friends would pass the bong along
We know that Septa-Guards don’t come at night
Ms. Gutmann i have realized
That though Penn’s not as advertised
I couldn’t spend four years in Princeton town
I’d rather drown

Hey Amy Gutmann
If I graduate don’t miss me
Spent five years in school and my next job
Is teaching 4th Grade History like I do
And I might try iBanking too
I can do whatever I want to
Hey Dear Old Penn I’ll toast to you
The Red and Blue

Oh, should I pick MIT
No, I think that Penn’s for me
Oh, will Goldman Sach’s agree
Oh, what will Penn do for me
Will Penn do for me.

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