Girl Talk

by Walker Hawkins

For any guy who has come into contact with the opposite sex (and has finished going through puberty), you are probably well aware that what a girl says can be very different from what she actually means. This is especially true here on Penn’s campus, where very rarely do males correctly interpret what a female is actually saying. Being a male Penn student myself, I have taken the time to translate some of the most frequently used “girl talk” (sweet underground musician reference!) found on campus. Please enjoy responsibly.

“You’re so cute. I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend.”

Translation: “You’re kind of cute (in a “you’re like my 11 year-old brother who has a bowl cut” kind of way) and I can definitely believe you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Oh really, you’re in Wharton. I have a friend in Wharton and she loves it.”

Translation: “I’m pretty sure this one girl on my hall is in Wharton, but I’ve never actually talked to her. Is it true you hate God?”

“I’m from the city.”

Translation: “I live in New Jersey.”

“You’re really turning me on…”

Translation: “You’re really turning me on…”

“You’re really turning me on…”

Translation: “It’s like I’m taking a cold shower…outside…in December”

“So I just spent like two hours in the library trying to figure out this homework assignment and I still don’t get it. I went to office hours to meet with my professor, but he wasn’t there and I couldn’t find my TA. I’m really worried because it’s due tomorrow and I have no clue how I’m going to finish it all, especially since I also have a mid-term. Did I mention my dog just died?”

Translation: “Do you feel bad enough yet to do my work for me?”

“Eww, I hate Commons, let’s not eat there.”

Translation: “Seriously though, I would stab someone in the heart if they didn’t have those cookies.”

“Frat parties are so lame.”

Translation: “Why do we never get invited to any frat parties? The girls next door get invited all the time.”

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