List of Things You Already Should’ve Done in College…

by Walker Hawkins

So, it’s about six weeks into the semester and if you’re a freshman, you should have experienced everything there is in college. By this point, you’ve established your friends, gotten schwasted, and bombed your first mid-term. If you haven’t, PunchBowl’s List of Things You Already Should’ve Done in College and Shouldn’t Bother Doing at This Point Because You’re Already A Loser is here to help.

1. Gain freshmen 15, a.k.a. freshmen 25
2. Profess your love to girl or guy that is much too attractive for you
3. Tell yourself fraternity parties are stupid, while secretly hoping they flier your dorm
4. Have a drunken conversation with a security guard
5. Be escorted to an ambulance by a security guard
6. Skip a class and feel guilty for wasting your parents money
7. Find yourself
8. Be horrified with the person you find
9. Think about touching yourself at Van Pelt
10. Join PunchBowl, become an integral member of the Penn community, and see numbers 1 – 9 instantly accomplished

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