by Rish Chaudhuri

“And Jesus was very bored in the desert, his brow sweaty, his lips parched from wandering endlessly in the searing heat. But out from yonder tree, sprung a man, short in stature. ‘My Lord,’ he spoke softly, ‘does thou want to get high?’ ‘Judas,’ Jesus replied, ‘I know that it is you who will betray me, but I might as well smoke up with you to ease my suffering.’ So Jesus and Judas sat under the thorn bush, laughing silently to themselves, and worshipped the Lord at the same time.” – Herbus 4:20

Ever since beloved Jesus’s fateful encounter in the desert, good Catholics everywhere have been hitting the joint every April 20th since then, or as it is more properly called in the Catholic nomenclature, St. Herbus’ Day. Just like Easter and Christmas, an integral part of St. Herbus Day are the hymns we sing, and there are some touching hymns sung during the St. Herbus Day church service. Being the good Christian that I am, I know them all off by heart, and would like to share them with you.

-Judas Hit the Bong
-The Angels Are All High
-Puff Pass Salvation
-Herbus Deus Maximus (I love Latin hymns, they really get to the crux of what it means to be a Catholic)
-Blazing To The Promised Land

Here is an excerpt from the well known hymn, “Judas Hit the Bong”:

“Judas, hit the bong/
You are taking far too long/
The Angels all begin to cry/
And then our crops shall start to die”

Such depth! Such meaning! Never have I seen the likes of it in my entire existence. Which is why even in the company of a behemoth of a holiday like Passover, we must never St. Herbus day, when Jesus has a blunt to relieve his suffering.