by RIsh Chaudhuri
Apart from Student Health Services, 898 WALK, and the number of your TA’s bank account to which you wire transfer bribe money; there are other phone services at your behest to help you make your stay at the circus that is the University of Pennsylvania a pleasant one. In no particular order, here they are:
898 COCK BLOCK
898 VAG BLOCK (For Gay guys)
898 GET HOT GIRL THAT WILL ONLY BE 5 YARDS AWAY FROM YOU IN YOUR DREAMS TO GET YOU INTO SHITTY FRAT PARTY
898 SPRAY STINKY GUY WHO YOU ARE TOO POLITE TO ADMONISH
898 CHEAT SHEETS or 1800 ASIAN GUY
898 CRAWL
898 SKIP
898 TOILET PAPER IN LIBRARY RESTROOM
898 ADDEROL
898 POLITICAL CORRECTNESS (for PunchBowl)
898 REMOVE PERIOD OFF ROOM MATE’S BEDSHEETS BEFORE HE RETURNS
898 UNAWKWARD THIS CONVERSATION
898 DISTRACTION SO I CAN RUN AWAY FROM PERV WHO IS TRYING TO ENGAGE ME IN CONVERSATION
898 GET A LIFE (For engineers)
898 DISSOLVING OF TRUST FUND RECUPERATION HELPLINE (for Jewish American Princesses)
898 HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS THAT ARENT YOUR RACE TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU ARE DIVERSE (for 80% of Penn)
898 MIRACULOUSLY LESSEN THE MEAN OF MY EXAM
898 MAKE FRIENDS (Also for engineers)
898 EMBEZZLEMENT (for Whartonites)