Punch Bowl freshman and resident young’n, Sheida Takmil recently turned 18. Here is her story.
Eighteen: a number, a milestone, a lifestyle. The feeling of the 18th birthday is unlike any other: you are no longer a child. You are now a warrior. For any 1995 babies milking out every golden moment left of the legal age, there are some very important freedoms you earned on your 18th birthday you probably didn’t know you had. So what can you do once you turn 18?
- Vote
- Apply for a credit card
- Buy insurance
- Buy a lottery ticket
- Win zero dollars
- Get a tattoo
- Buy a pack of cigarettes
- Regret getting a tattoo
- Change your name to Ralph
- Vote for Chris Christie
- Get married without parental consent
- Buy Nicorette for your newfound smoking addiction
- Order things from infomercials
- Become severely disappointed when your ShamWow absorbs only 60% of the spilled liquid
- Go on Jerry Springer
- Find out that you are, indeed, the father
- Change your name to Phyllis
- Buy laughing gas
- Tweet about how you just bought laughing gas
- Place a bet in a casino
- Become a disillusioned gambler
- Get a Costo Membership
- Buy spray paint
- Sue the makers of ShamWow, because you’re still pretty traumatized about the whole 60% thing
- Get divorced
- Rob a bank
- Get divorced in a robbed bank
- Change your name to Kanye West
- Be sued by Kanye West
- Hit rock bottom
- Rent an apartment
- Meet the cute guy down the hall
- Have one night stand, made of carefully carved mahogany and cherry wood highlights
- Buy a house
- Start a 401K plan
- Get your life back together
- Be convicted as an adult
- Go to adult jail
- Go to Monopoly jail
- Do not pass go
- Do not collect $200