by Shai Nir
It’s almost that great day of the year, a day to honor that special chosen person in all our lives, and the forty odd guys who came before him.1 So in the spirit of the holiday, we’ve collected below a neat bundle of Presidents’ Day trivia just for you2:
George Washington is called the Father of Our Country because he was a ravenous MILF hunter who had probably slept with just over half the adult female population of the continent. For the next generation, Washington bastards were much like gays are today: It could be anyone you know, some people were uncomfortable around them, and most of the country agreed they shouldn’t marry each other.
When asked his favorite flavor of ice cream in an interview, Franklin Pierce reportedly said, “Slave.”
At the time of writing, the major 24-hour news networks devote an average of 2.43 hours daily to Barack Obama‘s choice of dog. But this is only a continuation of a long trend of obsession with presidential pets. Teddy Roosevelt‘s beaver had an unofficial national holiday, Harry Truman‘s cat stayed on top of the Billboard album charts for six weeks, and George Washington‘s donkey was so notorious that it had its own tabloid.3
Nearly every president elected on a year divisible by 20 has died. In fact, with few exceptions, every president ever elected has died.4
Due to an unfortunate incident with a time machine and bottle of tequila, President John Millsfoote was the only POTUS to never have served as President.
In his controversial autobiography, William Howard Taft stated that throughout his presidency he had been receiving signals from an outer-dimensional cat being named Aaron Purr. The Sixteenth Amendment, Dollar Diplomacy, and four of Taft’s six Supreme Court appointments were all inspired by Purr.
In a fight between Andrew Jackson and Ulyssus S. Grant, Teddy Roosevelt would win.
Dwight Eisenhower had a nun outfit that he would don in the bedroom for intimate play with his wife. Ike himself admitted it’s a filthy habit.
Herbert Hoover was born an orphan.
1If you still think I’m talking about Valentine’s day, you have a problem.
3George Washington: One bad-ass motherfucker.
4Woodrow Wilson was the first to break this trend