Martin,

Bears.

That’s our answer. We need more bears.

Martin, you may or may not know this, but bears are fascinating animals. They forage for berries and acorns all day long, but it’s also not uncommon for them to eat meat either! They’re like nature’s omnivores. Another cool thing about bears is that they come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. Seven different types to be precise. For our purposes, we don’t need to get all seven, but we can pick and choose to make sure we get some real winners that work for both of us.

You may be asking yourself. Bears, Andy? Are they really the answer? Yes. Dig this: bears have a keen sense of smell and can weigh up to 1700 pounds. They are formidable adversaries in the wilderness and will be perfect (when they aren’t hibernating) for our uses. Not only this, but bears are quite similar to pandas, raccoons, and dogs so most of our research is already done. Add to that the fact that bears can swim great distances and we’re going to be in great shape. Here’s where it gets really good though. Remember how we were looking for left-handed animals? If we decide to go with polar bears, they’re all left-handed. Yep. That’s right. All of them. Bears are gold, Martin. They’re freaking gold. I can’t believe we didn’t think about them earlier.

If we’re going to carry out our plan to get girls, these bears will be crucial. I want to act on this quick. It’s not much of a lead, but Randy gave me the name of the guy he used when he tried peacocks, so we can start there.

Bears,
A.T. Piskai