Dear Mr. Meachum,
I am writing to inform you that we have decided to approve your petition for the inclusion of Maxwell Meachum as a dependent on your Aetna Comprehensive Healthcare plan. Your impassioned letter has moved us so strongly, that we have made special arrangements so that Maxwell may receive the best health care at the nation’s finest hospitals. If you would, please forward this information to Maxwell on our behalf since we do not speak rat.
Because of the unusual circumstances we now face by insuring your pet, Aetna’s underwriters have, for the first time, had to define terms and conditions for your ACH plan matching Maxwell’s unique risk profile. We have enclosed these terms in the attached pamphlet, but please allow me to highlight some of the key features here.
• Our all-inclusive term life plan will cover Maxwell for the entirety of the 2-3 years remaining in his life. Included within the cost of your monthly premium is guaranteed protection of benefits in the event of accidental death and dismousetrapment (AD&D).
• We understand from your letter that Maxwell has extensive experience with chewing electrical wiring. We’d like to point out that should your rat be injured and unable to work, he would be entitled to up to six months of worker’s chompensation.
• Preventative care is also strongly encouraged here at Aetna. In order to avoid skin-borne diseases, each year Maxwell will be eligible for four haircuts at a furstylist of your choice. Aetna will also sponsor 60% of all claw manicures and pedicures. Finally, every six months, Maxwell is encouraged to go, free of charge, to your family rodentist for teeth-cleaning and sharpening.
We are pleased to provide any additional information that you may have regarding your pet rat’s insurance policy. Should you have any questions, please contact Allister McAllister, Associate Director of Bitch-work and Worthless Policy Information, at (717)-992-5041 between the hours of 9AM and 5PM Monday through Friday. We thank you for your continued patronage and please let us know if we can do anything to improve your coverage.
Chief Exterminator Officer, Aetna