Happy Thanksgiving!  Hopefully you’re spending today with your loved ones, watching football and arguing with grandpa over what species Michelle Bachmann is.  To compliment your Thanksgiving Tur-Double Downs (bacon and cheese between two turduckens), we’ve whipped up some holiday haikus.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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History lesson:
Pilgrims wore buckles because
their hats were too loose.

Homeless Whartonite.
He went to a soup kitchen.
He expected bisque.

Too poor for turkey.
Each year we eat a sibling.
Sorry Jennifer.

So many fun times
with the family…hey, where’s
Uncle Sandusky?

Right on this table,
I lost my virginity.
Anyone hungry?

I’m gonna say it,
So tired of pretending:
Stuffing tastes like shit.

Dad is short on cash.
Ronald McDonald turkey
with the Cranburglar.

No turkeys up here.
Saskatchewan Thanksgiving.
We got mooseducken.

No, all B’s, grandma.
No, grandma, still no boyfriend.
Well, good talk, grandma.

No, Uncle Larry,
I will not pull your finger,
I know where it’s been.

Turkey day is here
Can’t wait to spend time with my…
Gravy volcano.

Thanksgiving surprise!
Exchange student replaced me
Old room is now gym.

Last minute shopping
Chicken’s the same as turkey;
both are reptiles, right?

All you do is whine,
It’s called Thanksgiving,
So shut up, boyfriend.

Rick Perry’s three faves:
Corn on the cob, turducken,
and…the EPA?

Happy Thanksgiving
From everyone at Punch Bowl
Go get turkey-drunk!