10 Additional Things You Won’t Hear on a Penn Tour

In light of the recent censorship regarding what tour guides are permitted to say to prospective students, we here at Punch Bowl have compiled a list of additional statements the Office of Admissions has discouraged. 

1) College Hall, which was built in 1853 and houses the Admissions Office, proudly stands above an ancient Native American burial ground and correspondingly bears a centuries-old curse.

2) Most of these smoke detectors don’t have batteries.

3) Twenty years ago, there was only one species of snake sold by the Penn Bookstore, but when a group of students decided they wanted to be able to pursue more abundant options in the field of herpetology the bookstore expanded its inventory to include well over thirty-five species of snake.

4) Over there is the college house Fisher-Hassenfeld. Any idea which Detroit-area rapper lived there freshman year? Anyone? Yes, Eminem, or rather Marshall Mathers. He attended school here! He graduated with a major in biochemistry and a minor in classical studies.

5) Yes, the ARCH building is expected to be completed soon!

6) Amy Gutmann, the president of the university, recently concluded the Time to Shine campaign, which raised over 4.3 billion dollars for the University. While the majority of this money went towards a series of undisclosed research projects in South America, several million dollars also went towards installing a new checkout system in the local grocery store, Fresh Grocer.

7) Someone died on that streetcorner  just last week!

8) Although unfortunately they did install cameras underneath the button, there are still lots of places to have sex around Penn. Creativity is encouraged here!

9) Proximity to CHOP is really convenient for students. In fact, there’s a hospital-affiliated methadone clinic just behind the Quad in case of emergencies.

10) At Franklin Field, many students try molly and other illicit drugs for the first time at Spring Fling, a yearly ritual in celebration of the spring equinox.

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