Amy Gutmann ceremoniously cut the red ribbon last Friday for the unveiling of the new, New College House name.  In the audience were hundreds of students, local reporters, and the donor himself, Alfred E. New.

“Finally, we can stop calling it the ‘New College House,’” Gutmann announced, “and start calling it the ‘New College House!”

Thrilled students cheered with glee.  Reportedly, one student even fainted with excitement.  “We have waited for this moment for so long,” one freshman explained.  “Could it be Banks College House, Musk College House, Legend College House… we’re just glad we don’t have to explain that we live in the “new” College House any more.  It makes things so much less confusing.”

Alfred E. New is a 1983 Penn alumnus with a major in anthropology.  He made his fortune of $32 million on the Pennsylvania State Lottery last month.  $8 million of that sum went to his donation to the New College House, now the New College House, which he newly knew would assume the new “New” name.