The Summer Job to Prepare You for Your Imminent Future Success


Forget your instinct to get that internship at your uncle’s consulting firm. And no, working for your neighbor’s brother-in-law’s Congressional campaign won’t help you either. In order to truly prepare for your vast and imminent future success, you’ll need to go off course. Ever wonder who tests deodorant by sniffing armpits? Or who cleans out sewage pipes? This could be you!

Things to consider:

  1. We know you stay up at night rehearsing what you will say in your interview with Jimmy Fallon. Here’s the thing — once you’re all popular and admired and _____ (insert ego-inflating word here), people will expect you to be interesting, too. Let’s be real, who wants to hear about another privileged Ivy League kid that did something successful? No one! (Except for your grandma. Don’t forget to call her and tell her your accomplishments. She worries.) You spent a year after college working as one of those people that shovels horse poop in parades, and then went on to become a success? Now that’s a story.
  2. Sure, sure, you’re going to be a Supreme Court Justice someday. Mazels. Before transitioning from one über-privileged educational institution to another, maybe consider being a trucker in Oklahoma for a while. Picture this: you’re giving Penn’s commencement address in thirty years. The crowd is insane. Amy Gutmann is there, looking exactly as she does now. Everyone is counting on you to inspire them as they graduate. Do you want to tell them you went to Penn Law and then attended an alumni networking event where you got your first job offer? Or, would you rather get a standing ovation for your faux-inspirational truck driver to Justice story? *Bonus points if you take the LSAT just to fail it and add a layer to your story*
  3. You might be thinking, do I really want to do something just to pretend I’m not an advantaged, affluent, and narcissistic person? Would it really be so bad if I just graduated normally and used my connections to get to the top? Won’t people have to like me because of my success anyways?


…so when considering your future, maybe skip those OCR events and shovel horse shit instead.

Leave a Reply