I am an EVEN BIGGER Part of the Resistance Inside the Trump Administration

On September 5, 2018, a colleague of mine penned an Op-Ed in The New York Times describing how they, as a senior official in the Trump administration, have been working to “thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.”

Well let me tell you. I am an even more senior official in the administration and this person just has no earthly idea. They think they are the resistance? They don’t know what I have to do every single day to keep America running.

When President Donald Trump awakes in the morning, he screams something incoherent. I have a baby monitor in my office so I hear those noises and know when to go in there. Usually, he is mid-tweet while still in bed. I always have to grab his phone out of his hand (and fight him for it) to check and see that he neither betrayed any classified information nor is attempting to tweet in incoherent English before I let him actually send it out to the Twitterverse.

While he is in the shower, I set out his clothes on his bed and help him tie his tie. During the time a president would normally get their morning economic and national security briefings, he instead watches Fox and Friends, so I spend about an hour on the phone with the producers there beforehand to make sure he gets the information he needs. He usually forgets it within thirty minutes, anyway.

All documents must be written in size 30 font, tripled space so he can read it. Too many words on one page is no good. If we staple it, he rips them out and throws them at us, so we have to bring him stacks of papers. If the stacks are too high, he loses interest and demands a cheeseburger–we always keep one on emergency reserve.

I listen to all phone calls to make sure he doesn’t give away national secrets. One time, when he was on the phone with the Russian President Vladimir Putin, he almost told him where the nukes are. I disconnected the call and then impersonated Putin myself for the rest of the conversation to make sure he didn’t give any information to the real Putin. I now know where the nukes are, but I’m pretty sure he’s since forgotten their location.

I have a ratio of rallies to meetings that I make sure are on the schedule to ensure that he doesn’t have too many meetings without getting a chance to talk at a lot of adoring fans. This keeps him…I wouldn’t say sane…but at least at the most basic level of functioning for a human being.

I do this because I care about the lives of my family and community members. I do this because I care about my fellow man. I do this because I care about America. I am more the resistance than you could ever know. You’re welcome.

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