OPINION – I don’t want your shitty-quality nude. I do not want them on a train, I do not want them on a plane, I do not want Dick Pics or Spam.

 

I do not want them here or there

I do not want them anywhere

 

No, I do not want to sext

Honestly, don’t even text

Unless you’re sending podcast recs

Now that is truly a good flex

 

I do not want nudes from your bed

I will leave your text on read

F**k off, Jacob, Alex, or Fred

Just send me podcast recs instead

 

You know what’d be really hot?

A “sexy” mirror selfie? Absolutely not.

If you were to slide into my DMs

With podcast recs, we could be friends

 

I do not want your shitty nude

Just don’t send them, OK, dude?

I really do not want your sexts

Again, what I want is podcast recs

 

I do not want them, you dumb frat bro

Not yours either, bougie young beau

Or yours, nerd who studies Foucault

I do not want them no, no, no

 

Just send me your fave podcast

If you want this relationship to last

So one more time, let’s review

Podcasts not nudes, or else we’re through