Philadelphia– Local PSYC 001: Intro to Experimental Psych student Grant Pavol has suffered a mental breakdown ahead of the class’ first midterm. Due to the immense pressure of the test workload, Pavol, a sophomore at the University of Pennsylvania, has succumbed to what psychiatric experts have termed “a case of absolute wackiness in the most extreme degree.” Symptoms reportedly include insomnia, exhaustion, mild hallucinations, and a general lack of familiarity with the midterm material. When reached for comment, Pavol, seemingly mute, was unable to verbalize a response, simply rocking back in forth in place while compulsively scrolling through a 150 term quizlet.

Due to this unfortunate episode, Pavol was tragically unable to put his usual committed vigor into his obligations at The Punch Bowl, where he writes a bimonthly column. He is expected to fully recover within roughly a month, just in time for midterm 2.