“Yeah, I’ve Totally Been Prepping for Social Distancing my Whole Life!” Says Attention-Seeking Extrovert

“You’ve seen all those memes that say things along the lines of ‘I’m an introvert: having to stay home on my couch away from people is a dream come true!’” explains New Yorker Andrea St. James. “I swear I’ve never related to a meme more.”

When asked about the plans she had last weekend, she said, “Well, after work on Friday, I went out for happy hour with a small group of 5-15 co-workers, and I ended up spending the night with a guy I had never met from the bar.” And Saturday? Beginning to crack a too-big smile, St. James added, “After meeting at a cute, little coffee shop with my 13-person book club, I headed to a quick, four-hour High School reunion in my high school’s mostly-clean cafeteria.”

“But I swear: I’m totally an introvert. I only leave my apartment and surround myself with others to challenge myself. Social distancing is a dream come true,” said St. James, beginning to twitch. “HA HA HA! Look at this meme of Michael Scott yelling ‘Two tickets to paradise!’ with the caption: ‘When you have to stay inside against your will and cancel all plans with friends who bring you joy, co-workers who make you laugh, and family you tolerate.'”

Last Sunday morning was spent at brunch with her friends from high school  she hadn’t seen in ten years, with whom she later stayed out all night. Go Eastern High Chimpanzees!

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