Judge Barrett responds to every question with lyrics from “Losing My Religion”- answers actually make more sense

Amy Coney Barrett — super-judge, super-mom, and super-spreader — is this fine nation’s most recent nominee to the Supreme Court. To show their utmost confidence in their incumbent President’s chances at re-election, Republicans have kickstarted confirmation hearings so that they will coincidentally end before November 3.

Realizing that Mitch McConnell would get her confirmed regardless of whatever she said, would-be Justice Barrett decided that her best strategy would be to answer every question with lyrics from the R.E.M. hit, “Losing My Religion.” To everyone’s surprise, using R.E.M lyrics rather than her standard answers actually shed more light on how she plans to judge. Here is a transcript from the most recent set of hearings.

SCOTUS Hearing, 226 Dirksen Senate Office Building, Washington, D.C.


Session 1: Democrat Questioning

Q: Judge Barrett, do you think that the nature of your nomination is unethical, given that you’re replacing someone against their literal dying wish?

A: That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight.

Q: What do you say to those who fear that your staunch Catholicism might influence your rulings?

A: Losing my religion.

Q: So you won’t impose your beliefs on the majority of Americans, who didn’t actually vote for the president who’s nominating you?

A: Trying to keep up with you. And I don’t know if I can do it. Oh no, I’ve said too much.

Session 2: Republican Questioning

Q: Would you like to remind Americans of how you, a wealthy white woman with a supportive husband, could raise 7 children while also going extremely far in your career?

A: I haven’t said enough.

Q: If you can do it, so can every other woman— who even needs control over their uterus?

A: Oh, life is bigger, it’s bigger.

Q: To appease my Democrat colleagues, I’m going to ask: What do you think of climate change?

A: I thought that I heard you laughing.

Q: Will you help us get rid of Obamacare?

A: I thought that I heard you sing.

Q: Will you support President Trump’s denial of the inevitably fraudulent election results, and help him stay in office, no matter what?

A: I think I saw you try.

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