How Outsmart PennOpen Pass

PennOpen Pass is Penn’s online, self-reported COVID symptom checker for its students and faculty. A green pass means you have no symptoms or contact with symptomatic people, and allows you to enter buildings around campus. As this is a self reported system, it is clearly infallible since all Penn students will be 100% honest about their symptoms.  

But let’s say you forgot to update the pass one day, or the internet is bad and it won’t load, or you are actually symptomatic. Of course this happens when that one really strict guard is on duty and they won’t let you in (even though they just saw you leave 5 mins ago). Well, here are some things you can do to avoid getting stuck in the lobby of your own building:

  1. Take a screenshot of your pass so you don’t have to wait for the website to cooperate
  2. Time to hit up that one friend in CIS who can help you out.
  3. Be asymptomatic. That way you aren’t reporting any symptoms, but you can still spread your germs all over the place.
  4. Make a fake pass on Microsoft Word. If you want to show some flair, Photoshop works even better.
  5. Use yesterday’s pass. Time isn’t real, anyways.
  6. Use someone else’s screenshot of their green pass and take their Penn ID to confirm the name.
  7. Say that your phone is dead. What are they gonna do? Or take it a step further and pull out your flip phone from middle school.
  8. Cough loudly to assert your dominance and scare them away.
  9. Show them a red pass and do so with such confidence that they don’t even notice.
  10. Just fucking lie on the pass- wait, are Penn student’s capable of crossing such lines?

*note* Please actually update the pass honestly and get tested regularly. I don’t wanna die, thank you very much.

Leave a Reply