Benjamin 6:9: You will walk beside Jesus and let his spirit fill you, last for 45 seconds, and then leave you disappointed until your next ounce of physical, emotional, or spiritual contact. For his sacrifices (and sexy beard), be grateful that Jesus Herbet Christ died for our sins so that the lord could give us the freedom to disappoint him in return.
- Silently fart in 250 person lecture halls
- Use Apple music
- Prop up the communion wafer and wine industry
- Keep our ancestors occupied with gossip for 2000 years
- Adore Mitch McConnel’s asscrack chin
- Clown freshmen about NCHW in the free food group chat
- Wear khakis who are also carrying tiki torches (don’t ask me where I was on January 6th)
- Love Coldplay
- Drool over men in khakis
- Do cocaine off a frat boy’s asscrack
- Blobfish. Have you seen those shits?
- Drink and drive on a golf course
- The opium wars (all of them)
- Chinese Revisionism
- Watch Bowser fuck princess peach on rule34.com
- Spray tan ourselves orange and join a cult
- Crack my cousin’s skull because i lost at monopoly
- Crack my cousin’s skull for no reason because I have unmedicated schizophrenia
- Jesus was the first sigma male and the deep state had to stop him
- Watch the 2022 release of Avatar II: More Blue tail fucking
- Rate men on a Powerpoint by number of shots required to partake in coitus with them
- Trade, then monopolize resources and build explosive military might to regain said trades
- Listen to R.E.M. songs (all just to lose our religion)
- Cheat in settlers of Catan
- Have up to 50 abortions per fiscal year
- Align my bedroom with 148 cabbage patch dolls
- Host unchained meme accounts with 3 followers
- Have women in STEM and men in the humanities
- Have women in the workplace
- Dump toxic waste into the ohio river
- Pay for Liz Magill’s salary
- Feel guilty about cranking the hog to sonic the hedgehog
- Disney Adults
- Watch my vintage gay porn collection
- Exploit the proletariat
- Aggressively disseminate white culture and appropriate others
- My friends boyfriend who left crumbs on the table for TWO WEEKS until my friend caved in and cleaned it up
- Jesus died bc there could only be 2 bad bitches on earth at once and I won the game of rock paper scissors